Something interesting happened today. I looked at yesterdayapos;s post and noted the title. How appropriate it was. Maybe it really was time to confront everything... To let it all out... And re-examine everything that has been going on rather than hiding my studies, which were actually the root of the problem in the first place. So Iapos;ve been using a problem to escape from the said problem, which is rather ironic and circular.
Iapos;m still ambivalent about what I said today. Iapos;m not sure if I regret saying it. Perhaps things would be easier if we just wrestled our way through it and let it fade after a while, as we are wont to do. The atmosphere is awkward now, very much so. Well, one can hardly expect anything else after the opening of a Pandoraapos;s box full of anger, hurt, mistakes and grievances that had been kept tightly shut for so long.
So, hereapos;s something I need to say. Iapos;m so sorry to all of you for being such an asshole over the past few months. Things have been very messy... In various parts of my life... And the only thing that seemed constant were my studies, which I could find some level of pride and enjoyment in. But I think I overdid it, and hurt a lot of people in the process.
All the same, perhaps itapos;s time we wrangled out all the issues between us. Personally, I feel that the problems run further than just "a silly competition". Iapos;m extremely reluctant to attempt to confront everything head-on, but it would be nice to get rid of some of the pent-up tension thatapos;s been building up throughout the year. I donapos;t know if youapos;re feeling the same way, but I thought it would be worth a shot telling you how I feel about all this.
Hmm, I need to write an email.
(I will tell you about what happened, if you want to know. Just find a time when youapos;re free to talk, without silly people bothering you, haha.)
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